May

How to Be Holy

Parshat Kedoshim begins by telling us to be holy. “You shall be holy because I, the Lord your God, am holy” are the opening words.

People seek to be holy in all sorts of ways and often travel to far-flung places in search of the holy man or woman who, for some reason, is seldom found anywhere close by, like in a mall. No, he or she is usually on a mountain-top in Asia or India. Something about being holy implies that it should not be convenient and indeed the whole notion of holy is too often shrouded in mystery.

My rebbe, Rav Noach Weinberg, zt”l used to illustrate this confusion regarding the term Holy by asking someone if they wanted to be a bafufstick. “A bafufstick?” the guy would answer, “What the heck is a bafufstick?!” “Precisely”, is what Rav Noach would say. How can you be something if you have no definition of what it is? And whereas one would never toss out the term bafufstick before knowing its meaning, people all the time feel comfortable using the word Holy without ever having a clear definition or meaning as to what exactly Holiness might be.

The Torah helps us out with this by immediately launching into a number of mitzvot right after the command to be holy, the implication being that these mitzvot would be the path to Holiness. Interestingly, none speak of distancing oneself from humanity and being secluded on a mountain-top or in a cave, spending years absorbed in navel contemplation.

The first two commandments after being told to be Holy are: To Fear our Parents and to Keep Shabbat. Yes, Fear of parents, not Honor which was mentioned earlier in the 10 Commandments. Both these mitzvot deal with the idea of separation and based on the idea of there are areas in life which have their boundaries. Boundaries seems linked with the idea of Holy and indeed Rashi mentions as such.

Regarding the first of these two, we do not have too much fear of parents anymore. Parents have taken on more of a friendship role than the old time disciplinarian figure and this has extended to society at large where parent’s friends are called by their first names and not Mr. or Mrs. There once existed a time when children would not sit in Dad’s seat and it wasn’t an issue of practicality. It wasn’t just because this was his favourite seat and he gets first dibs. No, even if he were not home or out of town, you did not sit in his chair. Growing up I recall having to ask permission to go into my parents bedroom to get something even when they were not present there. It was holy, it was their space and off limits unless told otherwise.

And then we have Shabbat which is also ruled by boundaries; of what you can do and cannot do. The seventh day is separated and different from the first six, we work and then we rest. But Shabbat is more than just hanging out on a hammock. It is using the efforts of the first six days and directing them to a spiritual end. It is a day where we spend more time with spiritual pursuits in synagogue along with extra material luxuries such as a great meal, good wine, our best clothes and a fine dining table with guests.

So Holiness is not a complete disconnection from the material world but a partial one. It is about knowing when and where your place is. What is off limits and what is on limits. It is about respect, boundaries, reverence of those things greater than you and a sense of limit. It is not about having nothing to do with good food and drink, but knowing how and when to use it – like in a Sabbath setting or some other meaningful purpose. It is about not being too palsy with Dad and Mom and recognizing they are on a different level and place. Only then can they serve as proper role models of morality, of values and of tradition.

Shabbat and Parents are the two first and foremost mitzvot associated with being Holy because both share this notion of limits and boundaries. But not the boundaries of the Royal Family or some unattainable higher class where you don’t belong and have zero connection with. Quite the opposite, Parents and Shabbat personify warmth, love, care and enjoying life to the fullest. And this is precisely the way to obtain being Holy. It is the balance between the familiar and the unfamiliar. The space between knowing ones place, of when to keep apart and when to step forward. Of when and how to best use and enjoy those gift God has given us during our six days of the week.

The Torah teaches that Holiness is not some obscure notion where mystery men speak in riddles and live far away, detached from everything that is real and practical. The Holy man and woman can be found everywhere, and especially in those people, near and dear to us, who have lived with morals, discipline, hard work, truth and goodness. This is where Holiness begins, with such people right at our Shabbat table, creating a place of warmth and blessing and infusing our lives with meaning, goodness and Godliness. We become Holy and thereby Godlike because “I, the Lord your God, am holy”. And the two greatest expressions of God in our world are our parents and Shabbat.

Holly holy eyes

Dream of only me

Where I am what I am

What I believe in

Holly holy

Call the sun in the dead of the night

And the sun gonna rise in the sky

Touch a man who can’t walk upright

And that lame man, he gonna fly

And I fly, yeah

God I fly

-Neil Diamond