Parshat Acharei Mot/Kedoshim: Are You Holy?
Parshat Kedoshim begins by telling us to be Holy. “You shall be Holy because I, the Lord your God, am Holy” are the opening words of the parsha.
People seek to be Holy in all sorts of ways. They will travel to far-flung places in search of the Holy man or woman who, for some reason, is seldom found anywhere close by, like in a mall. No, he or she is usually on a mountain-top in Asia or India. Something about being Holy implies that it should not be convenient. Indeed the whole notion of Holy is too often shrouded in mystery and otherworldly.
Rabbi Noah Weinberg zt”l, the founder of Aish, used to illustrate the confusion around the notion of Holy by asking someone if they wanted to be a bafufstick. “A bafufstick?” the guy would answer, “What the heck is a bafufstick?!” “Precisely”, is what Rav Noach would say. “How can you be something if you have no definition of what it is?!” And whereas one would never toss around the term bafufstick before knowing what it means, people all the time feel comfortable using the word Holy without ever having a clear definition or meaning as to what exactly Holiness might be.
The Torah helps us out with this by immediately launching into a number of mitzvot right after the command to be Holy. The implication being that these mitzvot would help one find the path to Holiness. Interestingly, none of these mitzvot speak of distancing oneself from humanity and being secluded on a mountain-top or in a cave, spending years absorbed in navel contemplation.
The first two commandments after being told to be Holy are: To Fear our Parents and to Keep Shabbat. Yes, Fear of parents, not Honour which was mentioned earlier in the 10 Commandments. The common theme to both of these mitzvot is the notion of separation, that there are things in life which need boundaries. Boundaries are linked with the idea of Holy and indeed Rashi mentions as such early on in the parsha. “You shall be Holy” implies that you should set yourselves apart from immorality and sin. (Rashi on Lev. 19:2)
We don’t have much Fear of parents anymore (let alone Honour). Parents have taken on more of a friendship role than the old-time disciplinarian figure. This change has extended to other behaviors in our society. Parent’s friends and adults in general are called by their first names and not Mr. or Mrs.. There once existed a time when children wouldn’t sit in a father’s chair and it wasn’t just because this was his favourite seat and he gets first dibs. No, even if he wasn’t home or out of town, you just didn’t sit there. Growing up I recall having to ask permission to go into my parents bedroom to get something even when they weren’t there. It was holy-like – it was their space and off limits unless told otherwise.
And then we have Shabbat which is also ruled by boundaries. Of what you can or cannot do. The seventh day is clearly separate and different from the first six. We work and then we rest. But Shabbat is more than just hanging out on a hammock. It is using the efforts of the first six days and directing them to a spiritual end. It’s a day where we spend more time with spiritual pursuits, in shul hopefully, but also focused on the material such as a lavish meal, good wine, our best clothes and a fine dining table with guests. The first time the word קדוש Kadosh/Holy is used in the Torah is in reference to Shabbat.
Holiness is not a complete disconnect from the material world but only a partial one. It’s about knowing when and where your place is. What is off limits and what is on limits. It’s about respect, boundaries, reverence of those greater than you and a sense of limit. It isn’t about having nothing to do with good food and drink, but knowing how and when to use it. It’s about not being too palsy with Dad and Mom and recognizing that they are on a different level and in a different place.
Shabbat and Parents are the two first and foremost mitzvot associated with being Holy because both share this notion of limits and boundaries. But not the boundaries of the Royal Family or some unattainable higher class where you’ll never belong. Quite the opposite. Parents and Shabbat personify warmth, love, care, and enjoying life to the fullest. And this is precisely the way to become Holy. It is found in the balance between the familiar and the unfamiliar. The space occupied by knowing ones place – of when to stand back and when to step forward.
The Torah teaches that Holiness is not some obscure notion where mystery men speak in riddles and live in far-away lands, detached from everything that is real and practical. The Holy man and the Holy woman can be found everywhere, and especially among those who are near and dear to us. Holy is found in our parents who teach us to live with morals, discipline, hard work, truth and goodness.
This is where Holiness is found. It’s right there in the family and it begins at our Shabbat table. Not on a mountaintop but in our homes, by creating a place of warmth and blessing and by infusing our lives with meaning, goodness and Godliness. We become Holy and thereby Godlike who tells us, “I, the Lord your God, am Holy”. And the greatest expressions of God in all His Holiness are Mom, Dad and Shabbat.
Holly Holy eyes
Dream of only you
Where I am, what I am
What I believe in
Holly Holy
Call the sun in the dead of the night
And the sun’s gonna rise in the sky
Touch a man who can’t walk upright
And that lame man, he’s gonna fly
And I fly, yeah
God I fly
– Neil Diamond
