Parshat Matot-Masei: You’re Only as Good as Your Word
This week’s parsha beings with details about taking vows. Although there are many mitzvot associated with vow-taking – as well as many pages of Talmud dedicated to the intricacies of these mitzvot – Jewish tradition kinda frowns on taking an oath or making a vow in the first place. But in the event of taking a vow, the Torah stresses the importance of keeping them, and by extension always keeping our word:
If a person makes a vow to God or takes an oath imposing an obligation on himself, he shall not break his word. He must fulfill and do whatever crosses his lips.
The Hebrew for he shall not break his word is לא יחל which would better translate as he shall not desecrate. Chol, which is the root of the word, is the opposite of Kadosh – Holy. It implies profane and far from God. The Torah implies that not keeping your word has some serious implications. Not fulfilling what you say is not just a question of breaking your word, it goes way beyond that. It profanes the very essence of who you are. It removes you from being holy and sullies you.
The importance of speech can be traced all the way back to the very act of Creation. Every day we begin the morning Shacharit prayer by declaring ברוך שאמר והיה העולם Blessed is He who spoke and the World came into being. We know that the Universe itself came about through God’s speech when He declared “Let there be Light” and every other subsequent declaration.
Rene Descartes claimed, “I think, therefore I am” But Judaism has a stronger version: “I speak, therefore I am.” Words create realities as it did when God created. And so it is with us as well. The bond of marriage is carried out through a man giving a woman a ring, but it doesn’t take hold unless it is accompanied by a declaration of betrothal. Without those words, it’s a gift. Only with speech does that gift change the essence of their souls as two become one. Also, we sanctify Shabbat and Holidays by reciting Kiddush. Without that declaration, we are merely eating and drinking nice food and wine.
Your speech, and especially keeping your word, defines the type of person you are. You are only as good and meaningful as your word since speech is at the very core of our being. We intuitively know this when we encounter the opposite. Ever have to deal with a compulsive liar? You know, the narcissist type who will say anything to get their way. Bold face lies, change the story, rewrite history – they do it all the time because it’s always about them. And once you are onto such a person after being victim to so many of their untruths, how do you view such a person? I know how I do. I don’t take them seriously. I cannot take them seriously. They are just a bag of manipulations that keeping spewing from their mouth like an overflowing sewer.
Someone recently texted, asking me if a person that I am describing above and I have regular dealings with, is single by any chance. He had someone in mind for this fellow. I texted back, “Yes he is single. But I could not in good consciousness advise anyone to go out with him. You would not be doing that woman a favor.” There is no way I was going to be part of fixing a woman up with this person. In my experience with him, whatever he says means nothing. His promises and assurances are never fulfilled. How could I be part of trying to facilitate a relationship with a person who doesn’t have an iota of truthfulness in him? A person who lives by the maxim of George Costanza, “It’s not a lie if you believe it.”
The Midrash relates that Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel said to his servant Tavi: “Go and buy me something good from the market.” Tavi went and bought him tongue. He said to him, “Go and buy me something bad in the market.” He went and bought him tongue. He said, “How can this be? I told you to buy something good, and you bought me tongue, and I told you to buy something bad, and you bought me tongue?!” Tavi said to him, “It is the best and the worst. When it is good, it is the best, and when it is bad, it is the worst.”
What we say, what we promise, what we commit to – all of it defines our very essence and is a window into our soul. With our words and our promises we can build worlds and be God-like who built His Universe with words. Or there are those who can speak and pledge and promise without any intention of keeping their word, and then make excuses and cover-ups and change the story. For them nothing gets built. Nothing is created. They destroy their soul along with anyone’s belief or trust in them. And so they remain forever alone. This is the power of speech and promises – “When it is good, it is the best, and when it is bad, it is the worst.”
You can’t hide your lyin’ eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you’d realize
There ain’t no way to hide your lying eyes
–Eagles
